Thursday, March 31, 2016

The idea of it

I've wanted to do many things in life and at different stages.  Since education was enforced upon me at an early age, I really thought that my parents were doing a big disservice to me.  I would rebel.  Why should I study? Why can't I play all day? were questions I would pose to my parents.  In India, at least when I was growing up, I didn't have too many options.  First, you had to become an engineer and then figure out what you wanted to do in life. 

Over a period of time, you realize that you had to do something with total dedication to pursue your interests.  I used to envy the cricketers.  Wow, they are doing something that they really like.  I wish I could be like them.  Then, one fine day, my friends and I decided that we will play everyday in the early mornings.  We followed rigorously for a day or two before one after the other started dropping out on some pretext or the other.  And then after some days, nobody even spoke about early morning cricket routines.  My mother was very keen that my brother learn Carnatic music.  My brother has a gift for music.  But then, everything requires dedication and practice.  After some days, I don't have to say, but I think you get the point.  

Like I said in one of my earlier posts, the fact that everything turns into a routine at some stage does not help.  Being a cricketer feels easy, but hardly so.  Otherwise, everyone would have turned into a Tendulkar or Kohli.  It's just that the idea of doing something different feels good than the prospect of actually doing it.

 Often, I get into one of these introspective moods.  It doesn't do any good to me, and when I reveal what I think, it certainly doesn't please my wife.  There are many who think before they speak.  I certainly don't belong in this category.  

It was a couple of years ago.  I was telling my wife, "I am thinking.." Even before I could complete the sentence, she cut me off.  "This time, what?"

Wait till you listen to me, I said as though I was an epitome of thought and patience.

"Violin is such an awesome musical instrument, isn't it?", I said.

Knowing me, she asked in a puzzled voice.  "Okay, what are you thinking?"

"I want to enroll in a class.  I want to channel my inner musical voice to do something meaningful.  I don't have the ability to sing.  But, I feel, I will be able to do justice in learning to play a musical instrument", I said in a manner of "yes, I have made my decision" kind of confidence.  

"Do you know that the violin is probably the toughest musical instrument to learn?", she said as a matter of fact.

When a statement like that comes up, it becomes a personal challenge to prove her wrong.  

"Oh, I have always dreamed of playing the violin since childhood.  Don't discourage me now.  You have no idea how dedicated I will be.  In a couple of days, I will find the best violin teacher.  Wait and watch", I challenged her.

She let out a sigh.  "Praveen, you like the idea of playing a violin.  You don't actually want to play one.  Trust me."

So, I scaled the internet to find a violin teacher about ten miles from our residence.  I made an appointment.  My wife and I went to her place the next day in the evening.  

"Please watch me teach my students for half an hour.  And then, you can go home, think and then decide if you really want to learn the violin" was what she told me."

I wanted to blurt out, "No madam.  I am definitely interested."

My wife preempted my thoughts.  "Okay madam.  We will do as you say." We exchanged glances.

She had two students with her.  She was helping them with the posture.  "You should know how to hold the violin", she said.

And these were students who have been practicing with her for a couple of months.

And then, they followed the teacher's notes.  There were many jarring notes, obviously.   They played with excruciating difficulty.  It looked really hard.  I immediately felt that it required tons and tons of dedication and hard work.  It's not something I felt I could master easily.  

We stayed for about half an hour.  Then, we thanked the teacher and left.

"What do you think?", my wife asked me.  "Will you be able to handle that?"

"I think I can", I said with confidence evaporating faster than a drop of water in the Sahara.  

My wife smiled.  "You like the idea of playing a violin."

She left me at that.