Saturday, June 02, 2007

Great Expectations

Life is not all fun to talk about just the interesting things. Relationship is such a strange and complex thing. It is funny to visualize how human beings react differently to the same situation with different people. This phenomenon set me thinking about the underlying essence of a relationship. There is a certain extent beyond which you can't reveal your inner self to everyone. Rather, it is difficult to say more about yourself to another person beyond the limiting point. The limiting threshold can be extended, but certainly not by much.

Expectations from a relationship is viewed as highly farcical. We interact with hundreds of people on a day to day basis, getting close with certain tens and finally finding the right set of people whom you can call as real close friends. You can count on these few for most of the things in life, be it the times you require material support or emotional strength. So, we do expect certain things to be done for us by a certain section of the society. On a common point, I guess most of us would agree that relatives do not fit in this category. It is a common perception with everyone that it is more comfortable to be with friends than with relatives. We count on friends a lot. Change that word from count to expectations, somehow people associate a different meaning to it. Why is it wrong to have expectations? I really can't understand this point. Obviously, friendship is a mutually exclusive product that has no tie up with anything in life. But, at every point in life, you look up to certain people in life to stand up for you. It really doesn't matter to me if Mr. X does not care about me, but when a known face fails to notice you, it can set you thinking. A sense of individuality is as important. It is right to do what you think is right even at the cost of staying away from the crowd. But the equation changes when your friend asks you to do something for him, and you shy away from it. Here, it is not the question of righteousness to have a feeling of individuality. It is a simple case of not meeting someone's expectations. In this case, was it right to expect something from the other person? I am not sure whether I have touched this line at some point in life. All of us are humans and are bound to make mistakes, but this is one of them that I would like to avoid as much as possible in life.

At the end of the day, I would be lying if I say that I do not expect anything from anybody. Relationships are symbiotic and there are phases in life where you want some people to share the agony and joy of your ride in life. Most times, it is difficult to continue the relationship with the same zeal once you are affected by certain things. It can never be the same again even though these things phase out over a period of time. The wound heals, but the scar remains. As I lay sleepless for some time last night, my vision was blurred with a flurry of thoughts that I wish could well have been forgotten.

13 comments:

  1. Hey!
    Well, u wont believe me but i was writing somthing alike... but in spanish... if u know how to read it i invite u to my blog so u can know about my thoughts.

    Refards

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  2. Hey, I have told you a golden rule (the univarsal law) about all these things. Follow that and you will not get opportunity for these thoughts.

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  3. Nicot: Thanks for the comment, Nicot. I wish I knew Spanish!

    Yadu: En maga, ee blogpostge commentu aakbittidhya? This was something generated from the inner self, so hadnt forwarded this entry to anybody. Yeah, I will follow the golden rule :-)

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  4. Krishna Chaitanya EmaniJune 4, 2007 at 8:44 PM

    Hi praveen,
    Well said and good that you brought up this point of expectations. I was about to write a blog on this one. Anyways I can always add to yours. Friends and Expectations, well the point is, it all depends on how close the person is to you. Having expectations is nothing wrong, infact expectations are the steps for strong relationships and trust. Intitially in a relation you expect things and once they people respond positively, you trust them, once you trust them you take things for granted.

    Now when you do not have expectations there will not be any chance of you developing a feeling of trust towards your friend. As you said, you cant share everything with everyone, only few and I accept you cant share everything with your friends, but I am sure Praveen, you generally tell everything that you can to your close friend, the only thing that you cannot tell is the things which you cannot express.

    Its again an expectation, you are expecting your friend to listen to all your thoughts and give you the words of confidence when you are emotionally down. Expecting from friends is not a sin. You have to and you shud keep upto expectations.

    Good luck praveen, I hope I will always keep upto your expectations as a good friend of yours.

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  5. And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened

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  6. Emani: Nice comment! Expectations are a way of life or maybe not :-) It always beats me that there is no thick line differentiating expectations from closeness. I am sure we will learn to live with it with the passage of time.

    Anonymous: Wow, that is a superb piece of information neatly worded. I learnt a lot from this comment! Age does not matter for such things. I know life is a learning process but I would want to hit the steady state quickly and move on! Your comment is great. Thanks!

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  7. Apart from expectations I will tell you one thing GK, do not take for granted people closest to your heart. Cherish them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

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  8. Vyas: Yeah I know that, but at the end of the day we are mortals :-(

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  9. You are welcome Mr. GK

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  10. Anonymous (whoever it is!!!)!!!!!!

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  11. Someone once told me a story.

    You drive with your frnd on a highway in a car with your frnd at the wheel and suddenly you hit something hard.later someday , someone finds out, what do you do in the court.

    Would you lie to help your friend or irrespective of how close you are to him , would you tell the truth ?

    you are tempted to say it depends on the person/depends on what got hit was an animal/man .on a larger picture someone argues it depends on culture.for eg , Scandinavians would never lie, Indians would most probably help their best friends (prolly because he has an ailing mother and a young sister , blah blah).However this decision of yours decides your relationship and his great expectations.

    If you can honestly answer this question, probably you will discover more about the meaning of relationships.

    Also i don't agree when you say that you need some people to share your agony/happiness with ... you just need one, just that one special person and sometimes you do anything for that special one , even if you are the Scandinavian.

    BTW , feeling put well on paper. :-)

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  12. Anonymous: See, in life, there are always certain people we look upto to do something for us. This need not be attributed to just a specific person. Life is not just about a single person. Man is a social being looking for opportunities to interact with others. Over the passage of time, we get close to a specific set, and expect them to respond in a specific way.

    There is a difference in your car story. In this case, you will do what you think is right. It is a matter of justice, uprightness and values. It is a complex overture of various emotions. But what I mentioned in my blog post is simply "Whether I can expect some thing from a friend or not". It is not about saving your friend or protecting him from the demons. It is just a question of whether I can do this for him or not. It has got nothing to do with morals or values.

    Trust me, if I feel that the special person has done serious damage to the society, I would still be a scandinavian and not change my mind! Ethics and friendship are two different mutually exclusive entities. We just can't tread on those things!!!!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!

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  13. Krishna Chaitanya EmaniJune 13, 2007 at 6:58 PM

    Hello Anonymous,
    I dont see any logic in the point that you made. In your life or anyones life for that matter there will be more than one person (atleast a handfull) who is more than close to you. It can never be one specific person. Do you chose between your parents and relatives. In the same way there will be some friends in everyones life.

    You cant share everything with every friend of yours. Only some. If you really have only one person in a life of 25 years that a pitiable situation. And you definitely expect from people whom you love. If I go to India I definitely expect someone from my family (Mom or Dad) to come to airport to pick me up. Imagine no one turns up... will you not feel bad.

    That doesnt mean they dont love you right? Even you know that... but its painful to your heart to take that. Sameway you expect certain things from friends... its not a mistake, you have that right as a friend.

    If you do not have any expectations from anyone then you should be a saint. Thats what I feel and I agree completely with Praveen. I am not a Scandinavian by the way I am an Indian.

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