The values

I was in high school and my brother was in elementary school when financial turmoil hit our family.  Every family has its ups and downs, and we were in the midst of a downward spiral.  Our father was going through some difficult business moments.  Nowadays, the phrase "living paycheck to paycheck" is used loosely, but those days, we could really see how that affected our lives.  It was a baptism into real world issues and problems.  Our mother made sure that my brother and I understood the value of money.  There was no way we would spend anything more than required.  We wouldn't even ask for something that was out of the norm.  We knew what was within our means and what wasn't.

But there was one thing that our parents never compromised.  Education and anything related to education.  Be it for special courses, sending us to tuitions, or buying books.  Our mother was always the go to person if we wanted something, since our father was busy trying to sustain the family.

With books, we have never seen her say, "No, it's not required.  Are you sure you want to buy it?" She always felt that we could make the best possible decision when it came to academics.  I was in the ICSE medium, which meant there was no one standard text book per subject.  There were always new books, new question banks and new materials.

"Amma, there is this new question bank in Mathematics authored by Sultanchand.  People are saying it's good." I remember that the prescribed text book for Mathematics was authored by OP Sinhal.  Anybody who has studied in ICSE will know the importance of OP Sinhal.

"If you think it's good, go get it."

The judgement was left to us to figure out whether a book was required or not.  That's the level of trust that was bestowed on us when we were in school.

I've always felt that there are two things for which a person cannot cheat.  One is learning and the other is hunger.  A person can never eat more than he can.  You can eat all you want but at some point, you just won't be able to increase the intake.  There is a cap.  But, with learning, the quest is always there.  You will buy a book only if you want to get something out of it.  A person who is never interested in reading will never buy a book (however inexpensive the book is).  Forget buying a book, he would not read it even if available for free.  It's a different matter that today, my Kindle always houses a few books that I have never read.  But, the thought is always there that I'll get to them someday.

So, when I look back on my growing up days, one thing that really stands out is the amount of money I have spent for the text books.  For the good or bad, I always had the fear of missing out if I didn't have a particular book.

In spite of all the hardships at home, the one thing that remained constant was there could be no compromise in education.  That was just unacceptable.

Our mother used to tell us, "Education is the only thing that's going to define the rest of your life.  So, make sure you don't take it easy.  There are poor children who are struggling to buy books.  We are providing you with everything we can.  I don't want to hear that your education is affected because of our financial instability."

Today, it's very easy to trivialize education.  It doesn't matter in which college you did your Engineering or Master's, ultimately it's all the same is the general consensus.  But, at every stage in life, you have to get past certain challenges and achieve the best you can.  That's the only thing that would differentiate the best from the good.  The trait of successful people is not about going to the best college or receiving the best education, but it's about maximizing the opportunities in the best possible way.

In that way, our mother did not receive the best education in life, but she made sure that as long as she had the control to run the family, she would do it in the best possible way making sure that she left no stone unturned, so that her kids would be in a position to maximize their opportunities in life.

At the end of the day, everyone is successful in his own way.  Whether we realize or not, education is a precious gift.

Whats and Whys

One of the common questions that I face at home now is, Appa, what's that? Akhil is obsessed with everything around him.  If the object of interest has a mechanical or electrical component (which constitutes most of the devices at home), then his interest just magnifies.  He would be running around at home, and all of a sudden, he'd look at me and ask, "Appa, what's that?"

Akhil, that's a magnet.  I'd say.  He would then repeat the word so that the word gets registered in his mind.  "MAGNET?" He'd fiddle with the device as well as the word for some time before finding another object that would keep his curiosity levels piqued to the same extent.

He has an absolute delight for the dishwasher at home.  After I finish placing all the utensils, he would be waiting eagerly to press the button.

"Appa, I want to press the button."

"Are you sure?", I would ask to make him feel that he is doing something important.

"Ya", he would say with a melody.

And that's when the questions would start again.

"Appa, what's that sound?"

"That's the sound of water washing the dishes."

"WOoosh", he'd try to replicate the sound with his mouth.

"Why is the water doing Wooosh?"

"Because, water is flowing from top to bottom and cleaning the vessels", I'd give a tepid explanation.

He would place his ear near the dishwasher to figure out the exact source of the sound.

"Appa, can I open the door?"

"You can try, but when the dishwasher is running, you cannot open the door."

"Oh, ok", he'd say.

And after his inquisitiveness wears off, he would come back to the original question.

"Appa, what's that sound?"

We would be reading a book and he'd see the elephant in the book lying down.  He'd ask, "Appa, why is the elephant doing this?", and he would pose exactly like the elephant.

The first time I saw him do that, I just burst out laughing, gave him a hug and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"The elephant is lying down, because he is sad.  He is missing his friend", I'd say.

"Elephant not happy?", he'd ask.

"No".

"Why elephant not happy?"

And the cycle goes on.

The whats and whys are endless, and my wife and I would be in a state of confusion as to how we can give a reasonable explanation to a three year old.

Life lessons

Whenever there are questions in life, you get the answers from unexpected quarters.  My India trips have always resulted in meaningful interactions with people who I have never interacted with before and I just walk away with important life lessons.

I clearly remember my 2013 India trip.  I was questioning everything about life and I remember this stranger in the bus, who looked behind from his seat, addressed me and said, "Brother, believe me, there is God.  Don't trust anybody who says otherwise." It was as though he had a premonition of things to come.  At the end of a rather difficult year, I remember going to my Rudram Guru with the question, "Sir, what's happening? Am I not chanting Rudram the right way?" That was the time I was starting to chant the Rudram and I was a beginner.  He told me, "Praveen, there is no way in the world that things can go wrong when you are chanting Rudram.  Remember, since you are chanting Rudram, you are just cleansing your bad karma as fast as possible.  There will be a calm after the storm.  One day, you will come and tell me how things have changed for good." I held on to his words, and I can say with confidence that things have only been better ever since.  I will always be grateful to him for helping me chant Rudram.  Learning to chant Rudram is a big transformative experience in my life.

My wife and I always wanted to have kids.  We love kids.  But, there is a considerable effort in raising them.  I am sure all parents will agree to this.  I would tell my wife, "If not for marriage, I would be in Sringeri now." My wife would reply,"You like the thought of being in Sringeri, but there is no way you would do it." I would say, "Imagine life without kids." My wife would reply, "Why would you want to imagine that?"

During a recent trip to India, I was traveling from Chennai to Madurai by train.  I wanted to get some fresh air.  So, I was standing in the passageway between compartments near the door.  There was an elderly gentleman sitting by the side.

"Where are you going, brother?", he asked me in Tamil.

"I am going to Madurai", I replied.

We were talking about different things and then he asked me, "Do you have kids?"

I said, "Yes".

"Good", he said.  "You have done the right thing in having kids at the right time.  People don't realize it.  It's God's gift."

"I was joking to my wife recently about the point of having kids and running around", I said.

"Brother, don't even think like that.  What's the purpose of life without family and kids? There is no sense of accomplishment if you live alone.  You need people around you.  This is the challenging phase of your life.  What's life without challenges? It will inspire you to work harder in life."

And then, he said the thing that hit home the point.

"Brother, remember, nobody will ask how much money you have? They will only ask how many kids you have."

"Nothing, no amount of money comes close to having a well-knit family."

We then went on to have other conversations.

I thanked him for an engaging conversation when we got down at Madurai.

As parents, there are crazy moments with kids.  But then, you also have those awesome moments.

Whenever I have those awesome moments, I look back at what the elderly gentleman said and smile inwardly at what exactly he meant with his wise words.