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Showing posts with the label personal

When Destiny Sends Its Helpers

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Keep running. The right people find you on the way. At different stages of life, you’re confronted with different challenges. And each time you cross a hurdle, you feel that familiar sense of accomplishment. It’s tempting to attribute that success to your own skill, tenacity, and willpower — to pat yourself on the back and feel proud of how you handled it. But when you zoom out and look at the moments where you somehow managed to trump the odds, a quieter realization sets in: It’s never just you. There is always an unseen army that shows up at the right time. It was 2005. I had decided to pursue my Master’s in the US. I picked a few schools in the Midwest where the expenses were manageable, and that’s how the University of Missouri–Rolla entered the picture. But funding was still a massive question mark. I hadn’t secured any assistantship, and we didn’t have the means to pay out of pocket. We went from bank to bank, hoping for an education loan. Each manager aske...
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The Real Couple Dialogue

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What exactly are the couple goals after a few years of marriage? In the early years of marriage, couple goals meant to hold hands together at the beach, staring deep into the sunset or watching a Netflix series together. Ten years later, it's remembering to soak the lentils and rice for the dosa batter, and paying your taxes on time.  A successful marriage is built on love and thrives on shared responsibilities. So, most of the conversations tend towards what's completed and what should tend towards completion.  "Praveen, did you have a chance to follow up with Akhil's coach on the practice schedule?" "Hema, did Akhil finish up this week's music homework? "Praveen, did you call the plumber? The kitchen sink is leaking. It can damage the wood below." "Hema, did you order the dishwasher liquid from Amazon?"  Obviously, if you have been in a relationship for a few years, and if the dishwasher loading duty doesn't fall on the husband, ...
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Bhavayami: The Kriti That Defined Carnatic Music for Me

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I’ve often confessed how musically incompetent I am. I have no idea about  thālams  or  ragams , nor even the basics of whether a singer is off  shruti . And yet, music, especially the music of M. S. Subbulakshmi has been a constant companion throughout my life. Every morning and evening of my childhood, MS’s voice filled our home with the  Vishnu Sahasranamam ,  Hanuman Chalisa , or  Suprabhatam . Those slokams reverberating through the walls became part of my everyday rhythm. For my mother, who was deeply religious, devotional music was inseparable from life itself. And though I never grasped the nuances of Carnatic music, devotion seeped into me through those sounds. MS had a unique quality in her renderings. She didn’t just sing, she seemed to be standing in the presence of divinity. When people say a true musician never dies, I understand it. Their body may pass, but their music becomes immortal. For years, I kept a respectful distance from Carnat...
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Routine, Chaos, and the Core That Remains

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The journey continues At the start, you think you know exactly what you want from marriage. The young boy and the girl are bustling with energy, enamored in the goodness of each other and together, you are ready to face life’s challenges. We did the usual things - watch movies, hang out with friends, celebrate festivals with the community, binge watch shows on Netflix over the entire weekend with just mini-breaks for instant noodles, stay up late till 3 AM, wake up groggy at whatever time you wanted the next day, get to a nearby restaurant for lunch, come back and continue with the show. Of course, add in a few travel trips every year and you have figured out some sort of a routine. But what exactly is a routine? Career happens. Life happens. There is always some sort of dynamic at play. Add in kids to the mix, and the routine changes rapidly. The way kids pull your attention in the early years is something you just cannot account for at all. Whatever you hear from family and friends, ...
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Kalady in my heart: A once in a lifetime Upanayanam

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Kalady is the birth place of Adi Shankaracharya, the greatest spiritual philosopher of Hinduism.   Adi Shankara was the proponent of Advaita Vedanta - Brahman alone is real; the world is ultimately an illusion.  His ideal of non-dualism unified diverse schools of Hindu thought.  He played a major role in upholding Sanatana Dharma and spreading Vedanta.  Kalady is a quiet riverside village in Kerala, set along the banks of the Poorna river, surrounded by lush greenery and a serene, unhurried pace of life. Its temples, ghats, and gentle landscape create a natural atmosphere of reflection and devotion. When my wife and I had the initial germ of thought about Akhil's Upanayanam, I immediately went to my favorite, Sringeri, a place nestled in the beautiful Western Ghats, and we also thought about Kanchipuram, home of the Maha Periyavaa, a revered 20th century saint of the Kanchi Mutt, and in the eyes of many, a walking God.  My parents were here in the US in early 20...
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The insecurities

Akhil loves storytelling time.  He imagines a multitude and wants to convey a million things.  It's fascinating how blissfully he con construct something totally random and make sense of it.  There is a Neato cleaning robot at home which Akhil is super scared of and so we have carefully hidden it.  Every bedtime ritual involves something about this robot. Appa, tell me Neato stoiee (story). First, it went along the lines of, "Akhil pressed the Neato button.  The Neato went near Akhil's kaal (feet), Akhil got scared and so Appa pressed the button, and the Neato went back to the charging station." After some time, who pressed the Neato button was a game by itself.  Sometimes, it was a dinosaur; sometimes, it was his friend, Mukund.  Sometimes, Akhil was the savior in comforting everyone who was scared of the Neato. Storytelling has evolved over time.  It used to be me leading him on a story. I used to frame whatever imagination I had in con...
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Visualizing the moment

The days fly by so fast these days that it's so hard to keep track of them.  Every other day is more or less the same, and the differentiating factors are governed usually by the daily monotonies.  "Oh, it's a Tuesday.  I have to take my son to the swimming class." Every day has a set routine.  Monday to Friday is fast, and the weekends go by faster.  Our days are dictated by our kids.  One of them is shouting and the other is running around.  Or, it's both shouting and both running.  Let's make it even better.  It's the four of us shouting and running around.   My wife and I would literally be at our wits end.  It's not easy managing two kids.    Friday was a slow day.  Mom was late from work.  Dad was busy playing with the kids in the backyard.  After finishing our dinner, we were just hanging around.  I was sitting on the couch with my laptop.  Akhil came and sat next to me.   "Appa...
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The values

I was in high school and my brother was in elementary school when financial turmoil hit our family.  Every family has its ups and downs, and we were in the midst of a downward spiral.  Our father was going through some difficult business moments.  Nowadays, the phrase "living paycheck to paycheck" is used loosely, but those days, we could really see how that affected our lives.  It was a baptism into real world issues and problems.  Our mother made sure that my brother and I understood the value of money.  There was no way we would spend anything more than required.  We wouldn't even ask for something that was out of the norm.  We knew what was within our means and what wasn't. But there was one thing that our parents never compromised.  Education and anything related to education.  Be it for special courses, sending us to tuitions, or buying books.  Our mother was always the go to person if we wanted something, since our father ...
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Whats and Whys

One of the common questions that I face at home now is, Appa, what's that? Akhil is obsessed with everything around him.  If the object of interest has a mechanical or electrical component (which constitutes most of the devices at home), then his interest just magnifies.  He would be running around at home, and all of a sudden, he'd look at me and ask, "Appa, what's that?" Akhil, that's a magnet.  I'd say.  He would then repeat the word so that the word gets registered in his mind.  "MAGNET?" He'd fiddle with the device as well as the word for some time before finding another object that would keep his curiosity levels piqued to the same extent. He has an absolute delight for the dishwasher at home.  After I finish placing all the utensils, he would be waiting eagerly to press the button. "Appa, I want to press the button." "Are you sure?", I would ask to make him feel that he is doing something important. ...
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Life lessons

Whenever there are questions in life, you get the answers from unexpected quarters.  My India trips have always resulted in meaningful interactions with people who I have never interacted with before and I just walk away with important life lessons. I clearly remember my 2013 India trip.  I was questioning everything about life and I remember this stranger in the bus, who looked behind from his seat, addressed me and said, "Brother, believe me, there is God.  Don't trust anybody who says otherwise." It was as though he had a premonition of things to come.  At the end of a rather difficult year, I remember going to my Rudram Guru with the question, "Sir, what's happening? Am I not chanting Rudram the right way?" That was the time I was starting to chant the Rudram and I was a beginner.  He told me, "Praveen, there is no way in the world that things can go wrong when you are chanting Rudram.  Remember, since you are chanting Rudram, you are just cleans...
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Storytelling time

The long day was winding down towards the usual predictable close.  It was 9PM.  My wife and I sat back to watch the first of many episodes of a chosen series for the evening.  Soon, it was midnight.  We were contemplating whether to watch one more or hit the bed.  We eventually ended up watching two more and went to bed.  It was 2 AM.  We got up late the next morning, went to work at a relaxed pace and got back from work late.  Nothing felt out of sorts. Fast forward life by a couple of years.  The long day was winding down towards the usual predictable close.  My wife and I were scrambling to put the kids to sleep.  It was already 8PM.  The whole bed time routine is pretty mind-boggling.  Akhil would brush his teeth, which means I'd have to brush my teeth as well.  Even before he gets to the sink, he would say, "Appa, Brusss".  I would do the mandatory correction.  "Akhil, it's not brusss, it's brushhhh...
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The books of 2016

I would pick up a book and start reading.  I would read and read and read, maybe for two or three months.  I wouldn't want to give up on it just yet.  Let me try for a few more days, I would think.  And then, finally, I would just end the misery.  A hundred pages into the book, maybe, and I would never set eyes on the rest.  The scarring would be so deep that I wouldn't take any more books for the rest of the year.  And then, the year end, and new year resolutions and the cycle would repeat again.  I was embarrassed and hurt.  I wasn't like this.  I would read a lot in my school days as well as in my Engineering days.  It's just that with the advent of the internet, and YouTube and host of other streaming sites, the amount of distraction had increased manifold that I couldn't invest my time in books with the same amount of focus that I had in the past.  In spite of the many bleak reading years, I would still complete one or tw...
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Pre and post 2014 travel thoughts

It was some time ago, when my blog would have a couple of posts every year dedicated to travel.  Now, unless it is absolutely mandatory for me to travel, I don't take it up and so my travel posts have dried up as well (It's ironical that my last post was on my Amsterdam business travel, but I guess you get the drift). Earlier, my wife and I would make detailed plans before visiting a place.  Naturally, we ended up visiting a lot of beautiful places in the world.  Travel changes you as a person - so many cultures to learn, different kinds of people to meet, taste different cuisines, explore beautiful landmarks, experience the local transport and learning day to day aspects of how people go about their lives.  The whole experience is truly fascinating. When we explored Alaska, it was just breathtaking.  We thought we'd never see something as beautiful.  I mean how nature could be so pristine and welcoming was so hard to fathom for us, having come from de...
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The idea of it

I've wanted to do many things in life and at different stages.  Since education was enforced upon me at an early age, I really thought that my parents were doing a big disservice to me.  I would rebel.   Why should I study? Why can't I play all day? were questions I would pose to my parents.  In India, at least when I was growing up, I didn't have too many options.  First, you had to become an engineer and then figure out what you wanted to do in life.  Over a period of time, you realize that you had to do something with total dedication to pursue your interests.  I used to envy the cricketers.   Wow, they are doing something that they really like.  I wish I could be like them.  Then, one fine day, my friends and I decided that we will play everyday in the early mornings.  We followed rigorously for a day or two before one after the other started dropping out on some pretext or the other.  And then after some days, nobody...
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The Kindled Spirit

It's been a while since I graduated to e-books.  There is a massive amount of convenience associated with reading on a Kindle.  I don't have to toss and turn and adjust my position a thousand times when I turn the page.  And then, I don't have to listen to my wife who would tell me in no uncertain terms, albeit in a sleepy voice, "Praveen, please switch off the light" even if there was no more than a few lumens emitting out of the poor lamp.  I would sigh, sulk, and be tempted to get into an argument.  But then, I would still do the same things with just a little bit of difference.  I would sulk, sigh and switch off the light, and get to sleep and start browsing on my mobile phone.  There are other disadvantages associated with a physical book.  When I fall asleep, I would have no clue as to which page I was on when my eyes drooped.  So, I would have to rely on my memory to figure out the context and land myself in the vicinity of where I in...
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Krishnar Thaalattu (Krishna's lullaby)

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Summer holidays were spent in the confines of our ancestral home at Pudukkotai, Tamil Nadu in the presence of many elders - paati (grandmother), athai paati (mother's aunt), thatha (grandfather), many mannis (aunts) and mamas (uncles).  There was an earthly charm in doing some of the mundane things as kids.  For us, they were anything but mundane.  Playing under the sun in a nearby maidaan (grounds) in soaring Tamil Nadu heat is no joke.  Our bodies would be dripped in sweat, and we would be coaxed by the elders to come back home for a break. " Ennada, ippadi thoppala nenanjundu vandhurkel ," they would say. (You guys are absolutely soaked). "Go wash your hands and feet, or why don't you take a shower".  Taking a shower was pointless, because after a mini break of having lunch, we would head out again.  In a matter of minutes, we would again be soaking. Being the eldest in the family, I was supposed to have responsibility.  My partner in crime w...
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The overwhelming moment

The fascinating aspect of life is probably the first moment of life.  That instant of birth is probably the perfect example of intersection of science and Godliness.  There is something miraculous about the whole thing.  It's certainly inexplicable. He was supposed to have arrived four days ago.  At the beginning, we waited with expectation, which slowly transformed to patience and boredom.  We wanted him the very next instant.  Anyway, after all the anticipation and drama, he arrived the next day, with a splash and a wail.  To call that moment the most overwhelming moment of my life would be a gross understatement. With as much information of pregnancy classes loaded into our heads as possible, we were thrown into the complex world of parenting.  Theory and practice are two different beasts.  I had found that out in my Engineering days and the real world scenario was no different.  So, on the first evening, at the hospital, my wife...
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2014

Writing end of the year memories has become common trait, but I think it provides a great chance to retrospect and introspect the year that has been.  It's no secret that life has its ebbs and flows, and more often than not, they are way beyond your control.  You reflect and wonder if you could have done things differently.  If yes, you add it to the lessons learnt notes and move on to the next.  It's not always that simple.  The truth is, there are so many things in life that can tear you to pieces.  It is up to you to pick the broken pieces, put them back in order and move on as though life can only scar you so much. It was a landmark year for India, as Narendra Modi was elected as the Prime Minister of the country with a stunning majority.  You could sense the excitement with the Indian diaspora even here.  Such is the magic of the man who rode the anti-incumbency wave of the Congress to clinch the polls in spectacular fashion.  The ful...
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The quick witted

We get to interact with different kinds of people on a day to day basis.  Add a few kids to the mix, the interaction level changes completely.  It's always fun to get down to their level and have a nice discussion.  There is always a takeaway at the end of it; it's always a pleasant experience.  Their depth of interest in things always leaves me dumbfounded.  "How do kids pick up that? How can they be so smart and intelligent?" Anyway, to cut a long story short, as we were house hopping for Navarathri, I happened to meet a cute little girl over the weekend at my wife's friend's place.  Kids are adorable, and this one was no different.  She was like a bullet train, asking million questions a second, expecting you to keep pace with her and belt out the answers.  She is just six years old. "So, you and my father are school classmates?", she asked me. Nope, I replied. "Oh, so you and my mother are classmates?", she turned to my wife. ...
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Narayaneeyam

The lack of identifying Raagas has never been a negative when it comes to appreciating good music.  At the end of the day, it's important to lose yourself in the realm of music, instead of worrying about the nitty gritty details associated with it.  That's what I like to say.  But, heart of hearts, I have a deep regret that I don't have the wherewithals to understand the grammar and finer nuances.  I have always felt that to understand and produce good music, it requires the divine being's blessings.  If you are a bad student in academics, you can always improve by working hard.  If you have a good training as a kid in sports, you can be good in sports.  But, when it comes to music, it's just a binary, as far as vocal is concerned.  You either have it or don't.  You can improve your musical skills only if you have it in the first place.  I am not ashamed to say that I don't have even an iota of it.  But I definitely feel sad about ...
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Matri-money

Arranged marriage is a funny business.  It takes a lot of patience and many frustration prone conversations before finding the best match.  It applies more to the parents in conversation, as the match candidates are hidden from the vicious barbs thrown at each other.  Even now, my parents recount some of the funny conversations they have had with the parents of potential brides. It was quite a few years ago.  Tamil Matrimony and various other matrimonial websites had capitalized on the dot com boom to come up with not-so-easy to use websites.  It is a complicated process to find the potential match, even though from a distance, it looks as easy as a click of a button.  In reality, it is nowhere close.  These websites have come up with various payment options that deciphering them is as complicated as reading your mobile bill. Of course, there is the inherent complication of figuring out who is a suitable match for you.  Then, you have to matc...
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