We Knew

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It was our three-month ultrasound. We thought it would be like the movies, where you look at an ultra hi-def screen and the baby is crystal clear. It felt like a big moment. I had left work early that afternoon and was hoping to get back quickly. After all, it was just a routine visit, or so I thought. We checked in and were shown into the examination room. The nurse asked Hema to lie down on the bed. She applied gel and began moving the probe across her abdomen, looking for a heartbeat. Her reaction made us realize something was wrong. Hema and I looked at each other. The nurse didn't say anything. She simply said she would be back in a minute. We knew. The doctor came in, repeated the scan, and after a few moments told us that he was unable to detect a heartbeat. It was one of the lowest points of our lives. Three months in, we had already started imagining birthdays, schools, and family vacations. When you experience a miscarriage, it feels as ...
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Whats and Whys

One of the common questions that I face at home now is, Appa, what's that? Akhil is obsessed with everything around him.  If the object of interest has a mechanical or electrical component (which constitutes most of the devices at home), then his interest just magnifies.  He would be running around at home, and all of a sudden, he'd look at me and ask, "Appa, what's that?"

Akhil, that's a magnet.  I'd say.  He would then repeat the word so that the word gets registered in his mind.  "MAGNET?" He'd fiddle with the device as well as the word for some time before finding another object that would keep his curiosity levels piqued to the same extent.

He has an absolute delight for the dishwasher at home.  After I finish placing all the utensils, he would be waiting eagerly to press the button.

"Appa, I want to press the button."

"Are you sure?", I would ask to make him feel that he is doing something important.

"Ya", he would say with a melody.

And that's when the questions would start again.

"Appa, what's that sound?"

"That's the sound of water washing the dishes."

"WOoosh", he'd try to replicate the sound with his mouth.

"Why is the water doing Wooosh?"

"Because, water is flowing from top to bottom and cleaning the vessels", I'd give a tepid explanation.

He would place his ear near the dishwasher to figure out the exact source of the sound.

"Appa, can I open the door?"

"You can try, but when the dishwasher is running, you cannot open the door."

"Oh, ok", he'd say.

And after his inquisitiveness wears off, he would come back to the original question.

"Appa, what's that sound?"

We would be reading a book and he'd see the elephant in the book lying down.  He'd ask, "Appa, why is the elephant doing this?", and he would pose exactly like the elephant.

The first time I saw him do that, I just burst out laughing, gave him a hug and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"The elephant is lying down, because he is sad.  He is missing his friend", I'd say.

"Elephant not happy?", he'd ask.

"No".

"Why elephant not happy?"

And the cycle goes on.

The whats and whys are endless, and my wife and I would be in a state of confusion as to how we can give a reasonable explanation to a three year old.

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