We Knew

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It was our three-month ultrasound. We thought it would be like the movies, where you look at an ultra hi-def screen and the baby is crystal clear. It felt like a big moment. I had left work early that afternoon and was hoping to get back quickly. After all, it was just a routine visit, or so I thought. We checked in and were shown into the examination room. The nurse asked Hema to lie down on the bed. She applied gel and began moving the probe across her abdomen, looking for a heartbeat. Her reaction made us realize something was wrong. Hema and I looked at each other. The nurse didn't say anything. She simply said she would be back in a minute. We knew. The doctor came in, repeated the scan, and after a few moments told us that he was unable to detect a heartbeat. It was one of the lowest points of our lives. Three months in, we had already started imagining birthdays, schools, and family vacations. When you experience a miscarriage, it feels as ...
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The insecurities

Akhil loves storytelling time.  He imagines a multitude and wants to convey a million things.  It's fascinating how blissfully he con construct something totally random and make sense of it.  There is a Neato cleaning robot at home which Akhil is super scared of and so we have carefully hidden it.  Every bedtime ritual involves something about this robot.

Appa, tell me Neato stoiee (story).

First, it went along the lines of, "Akhil pressed the Neato button.  The Neato went near Akhil's kaal (feet), Akhil got scared and so Appa pressed the button, and the Neato went back to the charging station."

After some time, who pressed the Neato button was a game by itself.  Sometimes, it was a dinosaur; sometimes, it was his friend, Mukund.  Sometimes, Akhil was the savior in comforting everyone who was scared of the Neato.

Storytelling has evolved over time.  It used to be me leading him on a story. I used to frame whatever imagination I had in conveying the subject matter.  It would be about space rockets, space aliens, ghosts on paw patrol, aeroplanes, trains, boats, sharks, dinosaurs and so on.  Nowadays, he leads the story.  I just provide the fillers.  We go wherever the story leads.  We go to a different planet and find dinosaurs attacking us.  So, to escape the dinosaurs, we rush into the spaceship and get back to see the space aliens playing football.  We then press the red button to get back on Earth.  It's kind of fascinating.

We went to India in February.  There, Akhil found a friend, Mukund.  So, whatever insecurities Akhil has, Mukund takes over.  It's not Akhil who is scared of Neato, but it's Mukund.  It's not Akhil running away from dinosaurs, but it's Mukund.  Akhil is the one who is rescuing everyone around.  Akhil just distances himself from the fears and puts the blame on Mukund.

Akhil wants to climb a big fire truck, but is afraid that he'll slip and fall.  He transfers this fear to Mukund to see if he'll climb the truck or not.

So, storytelling now has become more or less a game as to how much Akhil can conquer his insecurities through Mukund.  I just play along to see how far this goes. 

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