We Knew

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It was our three-month ultrasound. We thought it would be like the movies, where you look at an ultra hi-def screen and the baby is crystal clear. It felt like a big moment. I had left work early that afternoon and was hoping to get back quickly. After all, it was just a routine visit, or so I thought. We checked in and were shown into the examination room. The nurse asked Hema to lie down on the bed. She applied gel and began moving the probe across her abdomen, looking for a heartbeat. Her reaction made us realize something was wrong. Hema and I looked at each other. The nurse didn't say anything. She simply said she would be back in a minute. We knew. The doctor came in, repeated the scan, and after a few moments told us that he was unable to detect a heartbeat. It was one of the lowest points of our lives. Three months in, we had already started imagining birthdays, schools, and family vacations. When you experience a miscarriage, it feels as ...

Conscious Capital

A monthly meetup with my mentor today and we were, as usual, talking about many things.  I told him that lately, I have been juggling a lot of content on Advaita Vedanta.  We were talking about the mind and the pure consciousness, the concept of Brahman and so on.  He told me that it was all interesting and that he was having a conversation with his wife a week ago and was asking her, "What exactly is consciousness?".  

I laughed and replied, "David, that's not a trivial question.  That's exactly what enlightened souls spend lifetimes exploring." We both laughed.  

We drifted from Vedanta to investing.  He said that he doesn't want to invest in certain companies because for him, there's a line; he doesn't want to invest in companies that don't align with his principles.  I asked him how one even decides where to draw the line.  

I admitted that my own beliefs had blindsided me in the past.  I used to think that if I didn't use a product made by a particular company, there was no point in investing there.  But after watching some of those companies multiply in value, I learned a harsh lesson.  Investing philosophy is very different from personal bias.  

"That's true," he said, "but somewhere we got to draw a line."  But for me, those lines often feel blurred.

After so many years in the industry, we found ourselves asking: what is the actual impact of wealth?  In a free world like the US, where optimism and capitalism go hand in hand, there's always an opportunity to bet on the next big thing.  Sometimes, the bet rewards you handsomely, other times, it pulls you down.  If you bet on the industry winners, you get to enjoy a few millions.  If not, then? Who doesn't want the extra cash? But the deeper question is, will it move the needle?  Would I actually feel different in my day-to-day life? Would it change my baseline happiness?

That's when David, in his usual matter-of-fact way, said

The real question isn’t whether you could have had more money. It’s whether, at your current baseline, you’ve done what you truly want to do.

That landed deeply.  It shifts the focus away from the what ifs of money, and towards the choices we make with what we already have.  

It's kind of a double-edged sword.  Am I already living in alignment with what I already have? If the answer is no, more millions won't fix it.  If the answer is yes, then the rest is just noise. 

And then, I said, "David, forget all this, and go find pure consciousness".

As human beings, we love to toy with hypothetical misses.  And for every situation in life, there is always The Road Not Taken.  But maybe the more important road is the one we're already walking - with awareness.

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